My Kingdom For An Oven...

I'd Take An Easy Bake Oven At This Point

.. so I've been without an oven since September 15th.

.. I've been without an oven since September 15th because I used the "self clean" function.

.. I used the self clean function because I attempted to make Tim a cake for his birthday instead of springing $9 to buy one and since I used the cheapy cheap cake mix that didn't have instructions on it, I over-filled the bake pans and it over flowed all over the oven,

Did you ever smell chocolate cake mix burning on the bottom of an oven? It's not as pleasant as you think it would be.

Anyway.. after 4:20 hours, I went to use the oven and guess what?  Wouldn't come off the self clean function. So thinking that IT knew that IT wasn't as clean as IT wanted to be, I did the whole self cleaning thing again with the same results. So I did it again.

You do remember that I am the Queen of Idiocy, right?

So after two days of this, I called a guy that fixes these things. He was suppose to come twice and never showed.

So, being the Queen of Idiocy, I did the whole self clean thing again,

Nothing.

This time I called someone else to come and look at it and after giving him 40 bucks, he told me that what a self cleaner does is incinerate everything in the oven at like, a thousand degrees or something. Because the oven was old and the mice had made nice little condos with the insulation, I basically incinerated everything in the oven that made the oven work.

So we needed a new one.

So I called the landlord and was like, look ... the oven's broke and I even paid someone to tell me that the oven is broke so I need a new one. Either you get me one, or I'll get me one and take it off the rent. I even told them that I was willing to get a used one from the guy who told me my stove was incinerated because part of the 40 bucks would go towards the purchase of another stove.

Cause, like, I'm nothing if not fair, right?

By this time, it was into October and there was this little issue with a pile of wood that the Borough insisted I get rid of and the landlord was insisting was my responsibility to get rid of. I, on the other hand, wasn't feeling that moving a 60 odd foot tree that fell in a storm two years ago was my responsibility to get rid of. Doesn't seem to fall in the "maintaining property" clause of the lease.

That whole wood thing is a whole OTHER story for a whole OTHER post but whenever they called about THAT, I brought up the fact that I felt they were holding my stove hostage.

And then today rolls around and it's like, two days before the rent is due and guess what? I get a phone call that I'm getting a stove delivered after 12 noon .. because I think they knew that if they were going to hold my stove hostage then I was going to hold my rent check hostage.

So I waited and waited and waited and dreamed about the first thing that was going to be baked in an oven that worked .. Noon rolled around.. 1pm rolled around.. 2pm flew by and then at around 3 I figured I wasn't getting my stove.

I called the rental office and was asked if the delivery guy had called me because I wasn't getting a stove today .. I was getting it tomorrow. Now, if they guy had called me would I be calling THEM? Um.. that would be a noooooo. But I get the number for the delivery guy and told the rental office that I would call him  myself. Apparently there was an issue with the address and he thought I was in the city and when he realized I wasn't he decided that he was too far away to make a delivery. They had also given him my old work number and an incorrect cell number as my contact information. He swore up and down that he tried to call and I believe him because if there's one thing I found out about the rental office is that they are HORRENDOUS with phone numbers.

So tomorrow morning the dude is going to call me and I'm going to give him directions and hopefully Tim will finally get his birthday cake tomorrow.

Word of advice ... if you have the choice of buying a cake and making one? Spring for the 9 bucks. It'll save you a lot of aggravation and hot dogs!

The End Of A Semi-Era

Since everyone who SHOULD know first have already been told, I can say publicly that we decided to close the deli.

Monday, October 25th was the last day we were open.

There are a number of reasons why we felt like we had to do it .. but it's important to understand that WE didn't fail. The economy did.. the neighborhood did.. but we didn't.

Nothing could have been done differently .. nothing was done that shouldn't have been done.. it just came down to the numbers. And when it comes to numbers, red doesn't look good on anyone.

The economy tanking and unemployment sky rocketing didn't help any. When we first started, about 60% of our business was food stamps. Now, less then three years later, that number is up to about 90%. I wish we didn't have to bother with food stamps because it cost us around 65 cent every time we swiped that card. We also had to pay the tax on stuff like soda because you can't charge people on food stamps tax. God forbid!!

Our wholesale prices increased which cut into our profit margin. There's only so much a person will pay for a soda.. and if my cost went up about 30 cent, raising the price by 30 cent meant people would think I was crazy for trying to charge almost 2 bucks for a 20oz Pepsi.

Electric went up.. costs went up.. and the one thing that we thought would have eased the pressure is Tim's home made stuff. He's an uber-chef and low costs meant a better profit for a price that the majority of people would pay.. but even then, he was under charging. The catering was the same way. People were getting his food for a steal. They knew it.. they commented on it.. but they weren't going to pay anymore for it.

The only people who were really profiting from the deli was our vendors. We had to buy stuff weekly (some even by contract) .. sometimes daily.. and we were hard pressed the  last two months to make the rent. Or the phone bill for that matter. And so Monday when all the bills came in the mail, we were both like Algonon in a maze. The pressure was getting too much.. we were taking money from the house finances to support the store and since my unemployment just barely covers the house, it started to cause tensions where there shouldn't be tensions.

And so we made the decision to lock the door. Emotionally, it was devastating. Tim tried to be stoic about it but I could tell when he started getting misty about it. That was "our" store.. something he always wanted to own and one that we spent a lot of blood and sweat on.

But you know, when you own a store people automatically think that you live in a mansion, have have a private jet and a vacation home in Hawaii. Nothing could be further from the truth.. in fact, we sacrificed SO much to keep those doors opened and shelves stocked. Maybe too much.. time together.. time with the kids.. time getting away.

The one thing that really amazed me though is how selfish some people are. Both of us have big hearts.. kind hearts.. and there were many times people came in and asked us for credit because they couldn't feed their kids and we gladly extended it. But then one time became a habit and that meant that while they were putting food on their table for THEIR kids, we couldn't feed HIS kids and so we stopped. We explained as kindly as we could and as non-personally as we could what the situation was and guess what? They stopped coming in all together. It's not that what they owed would have made a difference between closing the store and staying open.. but it's the principle of it. We were there for you.. but you wouldn't be there for us.

Life Lesson 563 learned the hard way.

So what are we doing now?

Well.. he's still going to do catering and we're looking for another storefront in an area where people don't bicker over the price of a soda. Optimally, we'd like to find a house with a storefront so that we can move and have only one rent payment instead of two. We'd rather be in a little town where people still have values and morals so we spent the day yesterday up and around Lancaster County but what we're looking for is proving difficult to find.

So if y'all know of any place .. or see any place.. let me know!!

If worse comes to worse, Tim is prepared to get a job until the right thing comes along and I'll do the same after my unemployment runs out ( there's no way in hell 25.00+ hr jobs are out there anymore ) .. until then, we'll just put our nose to the grindstone.. tighten out belts even tighter.. and have faith that everything will work out the way it was suppose to.

Good think we're used to being poor, huh? LOL!!

So to any of you who were our customers, a great big hug and thank you. Same to those who've done nothing but wish us well (I have to stop now because I'm getting all teary) .. but we'll be fine. We have no choice but to be.

I Just Can't Seem To Get Rid Of Bret Michaels

Ok..

I would never.. EVER... admit to liking Poison even when I was driving through the city blasting Talk Dirty To Me in my white Cadillac Cimmeron .. bleached blond hair getting all tangled because the moon roof was always open.

I would admit to loving Bret Michael's bubble gum pink lipstick, tho.

Hey.. it was the 80's. A few breaks, please??

And just when you thought that Bret and the crew were FINALLY accepting their potential as one of VH1's What Happened To .. features, up pops Rock Of Love.

Really.. how could you NOT watch an aging rock star that sports European extensions and bandannas?

And once you accepted the reality that 20-something girls with tattoos and implants will do just about ANYTHING to ANYONE to get their face on a reality show, here comes Rock Of Love 2.. and then Rock Of Love Tour Bus .. or Bus Tour.. or something like that.

Maybe not so surprisingly, I got emotionally invested in each of Bret's choices for love. Yes! Jess!! Noooooo Amber... GOD NO TAYA!!! But you know.. it's fake reality and the emotions only lasted until the next reality show started.

Same with Bret and his woman, obviously!!

And then Bret showed up on Celebrity Apprentice.. and then the whole brain aneurysm  happened and it's like whenever you turned around BAM! There he was.

Now.. what risen from the almost dead rock star WOULDN'T take advantage of that? So now we have Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It a show that is more about him and his relationships with his daughters Raine and Jorja and their mother, the long suffering on-again-off-again-get-your-shit-together-and-marry-this-chick Christy.

The pilot was filmed before the health scare so the season's first episode is actually the second (if you can follow that) .. and guess what? It's not bad. I'd definitely give it an almost 4 out of 5 stars although I think the story should focus on Christy getting Bret to marry her.

Can't help it.. I just dig that girl!

Anyway.. give it some of your time. I think you'll be surprised.

I Am... THE ANTI HOARDER

This is SO NOT my house!

Ok..

So I have this mini-obsession with A&E's "Hoarders"..

The other day I was talking to one of my friends and we were having our own little pity party about how sloppy and pig-gish the men in our lives are. So I told her how every time Tim watches Hoarders with  me, he gets all grossed out and I'm like, EXCUSE ME? POT? KETTLE?

My friend  laughed and said, ".. omg! You're SO THE ANTI-HOARDER!'

And it's true...

I can't stand clutter.. can't stand mess.. can't STAND things not being put where they belong.. or cabinet doors being left open.. or wet towels being left on the floor.. or dirty dishes in the sink.. or left over food  on the counter... or sneakers left in the middle of the floor.. or underwear kicked under the bed.

I'm not one of those people that have those god awful kioskis collecting dust on shelves.. or buying things I don't need just because I want them..

Which, yknow, makes living HERE an absolute hell sometimes because if I didn't spend 23 out of 24 hours making sure the that there was no clutter, mess, closing cabinet doors and drawers, picking up clothes and towels and donning the daily hazmat suit to clean the bathroom I'd go absolutely insane!

I guess the reason why I'm so fascinated by Hoarders is because I can't wrap  my  mind around it. How can you live like that? But worse.. how does the husband/wife who isn't the hoarder, live in all the garbage and clutter?

I understand that it's a mental illness.. it's apparent from the stories I've seen that there was something tramatic that happened in these people's lives that resulted in this condition.

But GOOD LORD..!!!

It gives me the heeby jeebies just thinking about it!

I Fell Apart..

I'm a CD buyer ...

I'll hear a song on the radio that I get obsessed with and instead of just downloading the song, I'll get the CD because you never know what gems your going to find.

Some of my all time favorite songs have never been played on the radio.

Anyway.. so a few weeks ago my mom gave me a bunch of stuff that I had left over at her house when I moved out. There were three discs that had pictures on them going back to 2001.

Interesting, to say the least.

The goal was to copy and organize them onto my laptop because 1) I'm an organization freak and 2) I just can't let go of pictures.

Today wasn't the best of days.. I loathe working 7 days because my "job" doesn't only consist of standing behind a counter slicing lunch meat.. I have to clean the house and do the laundry and feed the dogs and don the hazmat suit to clean the bathroom.. you get the idea. And of course, if I don't do it it doesn't get done and excuse me if I refuse to live in a disgusting pigpen.

Can you tell it hasn't been the best of days?

So because I wanted to slip into my own little universe, I stuck the earbuds in and set This Is War by 30 Seconds To Mars on the iPod to deafening and started going through the old pictures.

It's hard watching your old life play out on a slide show.

And while I was organizing pictures of my previous dogs (that I miss incredibly) and my old house (that I miss more then I want to admit) and my ex (who I don't miss at all but had to deal with painful, painful memories of).. a song called ALIBI started to play on the iPod.

It was just one of those times when a song matched the mood completely and before I knew it I was lamenting all the decisions I've made in my life.. all the wrong turns.. all the hardship and fighting and chaos and disasters and ..well.. stuff.

If the title of this blog fits my life, then this song is it's soundtrack.

Click HERE to hear it (it might download so you'll have to open the file on your 'puter to hear it)

There are the lyrics:

ALIBI - 20 SECONDS TO MARS


No warning sign, no alibi
We faded faster than the speed of light
Took our chance, crashed and burned
No, we'll never ever learn

I fell apart, but I got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again, 
yeah

We both could see crystal clear,
That the inevitable end was near
Made our choice, a trial by fire, 
To battle is the only way we feel alive

I fell apart, but got back up again,
And then I fell apart, but got back up again, 
And then I fell apart, but got back up again
away oh
away oh
away oh
away oh
away oh
away oh

So here we are, the witching hour, 
The quickest tongue to divide and devour
Divide and devour
If I could end the quest for fire,
For truth, for love, and my desire,
My desire 
And I fell apart, but got back up again
away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh,
away oh, away oh, away oh, away oh, 

I fell apart, I fell apart, I fell apart, 
I fell apart. I fell apart, 
But got back up again

Motivation

There's this young black girl that comes into the store. I think she's something like 14 or 15 but because of her height you'd think she was older.

At least I did ..

Anyway.. so.. she comes in fairly regularly and takes a good half hour to decide what she wants to buy and then only spends like a quarter or something.

One day she tells me that she's cheap.. that she doesn't like to spend money. Coming from a teen, I was impressed and told her that that was a good quality to have in life and would serve her well when she gets older.

Coming from someone who used to drop WHOLE PAYCHECKS on a pair of shoes, I think that I am qualified to tell her that!!

A few times after, she came in and told me that the reason why she doesn't like to spend money is because she is saving for a bicycle. She needs one and her mother won't buy it for her so she's saving her money to buy it herself.

THAT scored major points with me because Tim's youngest son has had four bikes stolen in three years because he's too lazy to bring them onto the front porch.. AND isn't responsible enough to NOT lose the key to the lock OR remember a combination to a lock.. so he just leaves his bike on the side of the house and it gets stolen.

Every.
Single.
Time.

So I'm not buying him anymore bikes. Refuse to. I think he only rode the last one like.. twice.. so that's why God gave you legs, Bucky..!

So.. off track.

Anyway.. I happen to mention the conversation with the girl to Tim and told him that I have a lot of respect for her. Yes, her spending a half hour in the store asking how much everything is every single time is a pain in the ass but you have to give credit where credit is due and considering his kids think their hearts desire should be presented to them on silver platters by toga wearing servants.. it's just refreshing.

So that's the back story.

Last week, we put a Toomey/Meehan sign in our window. I'm not going to go into that because everybody who knows us knows our political stance. In fact, when the Delco Patriots visited the store, they were reluctant to ask us to put a sign in our window because they didn't want our business to be hurt. I was like, ".. hell, we had a McCain/Palin sign in our window and we're still open."

This morning, Tim tells me this:

.. you know that girl you have a lot of respect for? Yea.. well.. she came in the store last night and I made her cry

My eyes got as big as Gaga's in the Bad Romance video and I was like, WTF??? Bad enough that we're justhisclose to closing the store anyway and you're making customer's CRY?

O.M.F.G!!

He tells me when she came in last night that she asked what the Toomey/Meehan sign was and he explained to her about the up coming elections and that the two running were Republicans. She made a face and said that Republicans don't help anyone. Tim told her that that wasn't true.. that he wasn't sure what she's grown up hearing but Republicans are charitable and isn't it better to donate because you WANT to as oppose to HAVING to?

I'm not sure exactly what words caused the transition but he wound up saying to her that she could be anything she wanted to be.. even President if she chose.

She shook her head no. ".. I could never be President."

Tim was like, "... of course you can! You can be anything you want to be.. the only thing stopping you is YOU! You're smart.. beautiful.. perfect just the way God made you."

And that's when she started to cry.

Other kids came into the store then so he shoved a handful of candy in a bag.. gave it to her.. and suggested that she might want to leave so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

Tim said to me this morning that that was probably the first time she had ever heard that in her life and it made me feel bad for her because you never know the life someone is living behind closed doors. I always say that kids are clean slates and only absorb what they're exposed to.

Maybe his words to her and her reaction to them brighten her spirit and erased some of the negative things she's heard in her life.

Maybe one day she WILL be a president.. of this country or of a corporation. Maybe she won't but maybe she'll be successful in whatever she chosed to do and maybe it will be because of what he said to her.

Most times, he can be a douche. I'm glad he wasn't yesterday and I hope that he got as much out of it as, hopefully, she did.

Sister Wives... It's A GOOD Thing!

.. ok.

So hear me out here!

I started watching TLC's new show, Sister Wives, about a fundamental polygamist family in Utah.

Three wives with another on the way... 16 kids with 4 more on the way (one biological, three from wife no. 4) .. all living happily  under one roof.

One BIG roof.

So at first, I was just curious. Being a fan of HBO's Big Love, I just wanted to see how it played out FOR REAL for real.

And guess what?

This conservative Christian got to thinking that maybe they were on to something!

Think of how many issues it would solve.

Think about all the things wives are responsible for.. the house, the laundry, the kids, the husband, the dinner, the pets, etc. etc. etc.

Think about how many times you've said, ".. OMG! SOMEBODY TAKE SOME OF THE LOAD!"

Think about how many times you were forced to deal with an issue that you really didn't want to deal with but had to because you were the only one who was there to do it!

Are you feeling me here??

Wouldn't be great to have someone else that could share the load? That you could be a shoulder to lean on when you get over-stressed because THEY know EXACTLY what you're talking about and how you feel?

And really... how many times has your husband gotten so on your nerves that you wished they would just GO AWAY for a little bit to give you space.

See my point here??

Realize, that they have their own issues going on and maybe it's just the time and space I'm in right now that makes being able to hand over all the responsibilities to someone more capable then the man I live with seem so appealing!

It was funny though that they really emphasized the fact that they only have sex one on one with their husband and there's no getting the "weird" on as they put it!

Anyway... comment away and let me know what you think!

Convo Gem

Kid: (sorry, don't remember which one. They're both equally annoying) Are you cold?
Me: No..
Kid: You're not cold?
Me: Nope..
Kid: I am
Kid: Can we turn the heat on?
Me: Are you crazy?
Kid: No. I'm FREEEEEEZZZIINNNGGG
Me: Y'know, you'll be lucky if one of your Christmas gifts is having the heat turned on!!!

Just so you know, both kids had on shorts, t-shirts and barefooted AND had all the windows open. Do you THINK they thought about closing the windows, putting on socks OR sweats?

Nah...

That would require something called a brain!

There's No Do-Overs

... so Sunday at church, Pastor Mark gave a really good sermon. You know it's a good sermon when it sticks to you long after the service is over.

I'm not going to get all bible thumping and throw out chapter and verses because, honestly? That would make ME just scroll down through the post. And I'm not usually one to talk about these things because I'm kind of like those quiet Christians ... yknow, letting your actions speak louder then my words?

Because let's face it.. I have a habit of dropping F-bombs like the word "THE" so it's just a lot better that I let my actions speak for me!! LOL!!

But that was the point of the sermom.

Actions say more about a person then their words do because words lie.. people lie.. for whatever reason.

And the thing is.. I don't usually get into the whole "Who's Getting Into Heaven" conversation because I'm just worried about ME getting into heaven and I might not have to wait until 2012 or the Apocolypse for it.

I could get hit by a car crossing the street .. or slip in the bathtub and hit my head (especially if I go in after Matt because he uses like, 3/4 of a bottle of conditioner on his hair!) .. or I could trip over the cat on the basement stairs.

When you think about it.. those are more probable then sticking around for the 4 Horsemen to ride down my street.

So with that.. do I really want to stand before God with all the minor stuff that makes my soul dark? Is it really worth it an eternity in Hell? Because once you stand before him, there are no second chances. No Do-Overs. No "Heheheh.. oops!"

That's the point I've been trying to beat (figuratively, not literally) into Josh. The stupid lying over stupid stuff.. the disrespect.. the attempts at manipulations.. (come on kid, I got 33 years on you!!). Is it worth it?

You can't change people.. you can't change how they act or what they say. You can only change yourself and your reactions but there are consequences for the things we do and the consequences far out weigh the moment.

And before y'all get all theological on me, Yes, God is a forgiving God.
Yes, Jesus Christ died for our sins.
Yes, we are all sinners.

But there's a HUGE difference between sinning and asking for forgiveness because you know in your  heart that you did wrong.. and conscientiously doing something because you think, "..well, I'm going to be forgiven anyway."

And before we even go there.. I just want to say this:

I know that there are people who are going to read this that aren't Christians.. or don't believe in God.. or are of different faiths.. or have serious issues with their belief system.

That's cool .. I wrote this more for me and I'm not going to get into a debate about what I believe versus what you believe. One of us is right.. one of us is wrong.. and eventually we'll find out who is and isn't. Just know that whatever faith or religion or belief system you have, the core principals are the same.

Figures Don't Lie...

1400.00 - monthly rent
  350.00 - average monthly gas/electric bill
    75.00 - average monthly water bill
  126.00 - average monthly cable bill
  400.00 - average monthly food bill

2351.00 - total monthly expenses

2351.00 divided by 4 people that live in the house = 587.75 per person

587.75 divided by 30 days =  19.61 per person per day to run this house

Make sense yet?
Kinda know what I'm doing here?

Ok.. now get THIS

160.00 = monthly child support payment (when paid)

160.00 divided by 2 = 80.00 per kid per month

80.00 divided by 30 days = 2.66 per day received for "support"

So, to me, ranting.. raving.. and bitching that you're buying clothes that the kids WANT as oppose to NEED and screaming about WHERE THE CHILD SUPPORT MONEY IS GOING is just .. well.. y'know.. kind of pointless, don't you think?

Basic math skills, people...

If you don't learn them, you'll come off looking like an idiot!

...But OF COURSE They Expected Someone Else To Pick Up Their Trash!

.. come on. Are you REALLY surprised?

Let me just say this...

We were at the Restoring Honor Rally on 8.28. And regardless of whether or not you believe reports that there was no trash left at the Mall, I'm here to tell you THERE WAS NO TRASH LEFT AT THE MALL.

The people who attended not only picked up after themselves but also brought trash bags with them in case there was anything left behind by others.

IN FACT .. and unless you know Tim personally you won't have an idea of how BIG this was.. after he was finished smoking a cigarette, he died it out and put it into an empty coffee cup so as not to litter.

The One Nation Rally held on 10.2 was nothing more then imitation being the sincerest form of flattery. It's obvious who is getting under who's skin and the fact that there were blatant .. BLATANT representation of socialism, communism and marxism really should be the flashlight that leads people out of their self induced darkness.

So.. leaving your trash for other's to pick up while declaring your love of the environment and the need for more "green" jobs isn't hypocritical, huh?

Pathetic.

I found this video on YouTube.

Just WHO Doesn't Care About Our Environment? Do You REALLY Want These People Running Our Country??

The King and Queen of Idiots

.. ok.

So.. like.. you know that 5 to 10" inches of rain we had last week?

The one that flooded Darby so bad that they had to close all access points and remove people from their homes in boats?

That in and of itself is a post left to itself because you KNOW one of them is going to try and sue God for inconveniencing them.

Anyway... pretty bad storm, right?

Lotsa, lotsa water, right?

And you figure that if Darby Creek flooded so damn bad that they had to shut down the TOWN of Darby then the Heinz Wildlife Reserve had to flood too, right? 'Cause Darby Creek runs right through it...

Right?

Make sense..

Right????

So guess where the King and Queen of the Idiots (that being me and Tim) went for a walk today?

Yeeeaaaaaaaa....

So the whole thing being that with the store now open 7 days.. it kind of gets to you after awhile. So since Timmy and Matt were working the store while me and Tim went to church, the Kind of the Idiots decided that we should take some time to ourselves and go down to Tinicum ( a.k.a. Heinze Wildlife Reserve)..

Now, you can look at this two ways. One, that it was a really nice romantic gesture OR that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

From my perspective, it started out as the former and so ended with the latter!

I should note that on the drive over, it was a beautiful, sunny fall day. Perfect for a nice long walk. But as soon as we got there and started on the trail, the clouds rushed through and the wind kicked up. That doesn't bother me though and when you're carrying around a size 16 ass, anything that doesn't make me sweat is welcomed with open arms!

In fact, it was the kind of weather that made Tim say, "... yknow, this weather is perfect for walking the whole trail."

Which is like a four mile loop.. but again, I'm game. I love to walk and we always see "something" when we're down there like a turtle laying eggs.. or American bald eagles.. an albino deer..

So we walk and walk and walk and pretty soon we come to fork in the road :: where that expression came from in lost on me because it's more like a Y but whatever :: and Tim asks me which way I wanted to go. Bearing left takes you to where the Bald Eagles have their nest and bearing right will take you all the way around and under the highway.

I didn't care one way or the other and so Tim made the decision to go left.

When will this man learn that anything LEFT, isn't good!

We get a ways down the trail and all of a sudden he goes, "Rut rooh!" .. I immediately think he spotted a dead animal or something but no.. the trail ahead of us is flooded. I'm like.. it's water. Big freakin' deal. He's like.. I don't want to get my sneakers wet. I'm like.. you're a freakin' sissy.

But following his lead.. him being the MAN and all.. we're walking along the edges of the water thinking that it wasn't going to be flooded that much.

We were wrong.

Because we're walking the trail that's right along side a BIG body of water and we're idiots.

The King and Queen of Idiots, I may need to remind you.

See down this trail? Yea.. all water

It wasn't long before we realized that there was NO WAY IN HELL we were going to be able to get through this without getting wet because by this time, it was going to take longer to go back the way we came. So we waded.. and I mean that literally.. forward.

Before long.. the body of water on the left of us merged with the body of water on the right of us and wet sneakers were the least of our worries.. we're talking a little past knee deep of cold reserve water with God knows what swimming.. floating.. growing in it.

If I don't wind up with something that puts me on the season finale of Monsters Inside Me then I'm definitely going to wind up with some weird skin thing.. and I'm more then thankful that it wasn't crotch deep water.. for the obvious reasons!!!!


We tried sticking to the sides but it soon became apparent that we were either going to have to take the plunge and get our sneakers wet OR just hang out for a few days or so waiting for the water to recede.

I tell Tim that I sure as hell hope he wasn't exaggerating about his survivor skills.

We get our sneakers wet!

But it wasn't just our sneakers..

No.. no.. no...

Because not only did it get deeper the further we got but HELLO! We're talking ME here!!

When it got about ankle deep, we were just goofy hysterical about the whole thing and me, being me, wanted to capture it all for eternity! I couldn't find my digital camera anywhere :: in fact, that's still bugging the shit out of me :: so I took the video camera. WITH extra batteries.. that I had left in the car.. As soon as I turned the camera on POOF! It died.

Ankle deep.. and believe me, that was the shallow part!

I know Tim was thrilled when I told him.. me, not so much.. BUT.. I still had my cell phone so I was at least able to get some proof!

Finally.. FINALLY.. we hit dry ground.

We're still laughing and making stupid jokes about how we should head the local chapter of Mensa when we hit another flooded out section of trail.

This time deeper.

You know.. the first time was all goofy and adventurous and OMG!! and stuff but the second time?

Not so much fun.

But worse then THAT is the THIRD time!

It's REALLY difficult to tell how deep
water is when it's covered in Duck Weed..
or whatever the hell it's called.

We won't even go into the fourth time.

It may have made some kind of sense to somebody to just veer off into the woods on either side just to try and circumvent the areas that were flooded but yknow.. we're idiots.

It probably would have made sense for the park authority to close the trail..

It probably would have made sense to just stay home and play Call of Duty on our day off..

And then it started to rain ...

Idiot me said, ".. wouldn't it be neat if we got another five inches of rain?"

Saying that to a man that's over knee deep in water that's on a trail between two large bodies of water is not a good idea.

I'm sure herds of deer ran when he yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??" And I yelled back "OBVIOUSLY I MUST BE,  MORON!!"

Finally.. finally.. finally we got to the end of the trail and dry ground.. and when we got home it was a race to see who could peel their sneakers, socks and jeans off and get into a quasi-Silkwood shower.

This is the trail we walked... the path is in purple and the flooded out areas are colored in red. For idiots, we're really.. really lucky but because it wasn't until we were both scrubbing bubbles clean that we realized we could have been really fucked!! LOL!!

Word to the wise? If we EVER ask you to take a walk with us..
RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION..
FAST!!