The King and Queen of Idiots

.. ok.

So.. like.. you know that 5 to 10" inches of rain we had last week?

The one that flooded Darby so bad that they had to close all access points and remove people from their homes in boats?

That in and of itself is a post left to itself because you KNOW one of them is going to try and sue God for inconveniencing them.

Anyway... pretty bad storm, right?

Lotsa, lotsa water, right?

And you figure that if Darby Creek flooded so damn bad that they had to shut down the TOWN of Darby then the Heinz Wildlife Reserve had to flood too, right? 'Cause Darby Creek runs right through it...

Right?

Make sense..

Right????

So guess where the King and Queen of the Idiots (that being me and Tim) went for a walk today?

Yeeeaaaaaaaa....

So the whole thing being that with the store now open 7 days.. it kind of gets to you after awhile. So since Timmy and Matt were working the store while me and Tim went to church, the Kind of the Idiots decided that we should take some time to ourselves and go down to Tinicum ( a.k.a. Heinze Wildlife Reserve)..

Now, you can look at this two ways. One, that it was a really nice romantic gesture OR that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

From my perspective, it started out as the former and so ended with the latter!

I should note that on the drive over, it was a beautiful, sunny fall day. Perfect for a nice long walk. But as soon as we got there and started on the trail, the clouds rushed through and the wind kicked up. That doesn't bother me though and when you're carrying around a size 16 ass, anything that doesn't make me sweat is welcomed with open arms!

In fact, it was the kind of weather that made Tim say, "... yknow, this weather is perfect for walking the whole trail."

Which is like a four mile loop.. but again, I'm game. I love to walk and we always see "something" when we're down there like a turtle laying eggs.. or American bald eagles.. an albino deer..

So we walk and walk and walk and pretty soon we come to fork in the road :: where that expression came from in lost on me because it's more like a Y but whatever :: and Tim asks me which way I wanted to go. Bearing left takes you to where the Bald Eagles have their nest and bearing right will take you all the way around and under the highway.

I didn't care one way or the other and so Tim made the decision to go left.

When will this man learn that anything LEFT, isn't good!

We get a ways down the trail and all of a sudden he goes, "Rut rooh!" .. I immediately think he spotted a dead animal or something but no.. the trail ahead of us is flooded. I'm like.. it's water. Big freakin' deal. He's like.. I don't want to get my sneakers wet. I'm like.. you're a freakin' sissy.

But following his lead.. him being the MAN and all.. we're walking along the edges of the water thinking that it wasn't going to be flooded that much.

We were wrong.

Because we're walking the trail that's right along side a BIG body of water and we're idiots.

The King and Queen of Idiots, I may need to remind you.

See down this trail? Yea.. all water

It wasn't long before we realized that there was NO WAY IN HELL we were going to be able to get through this without getting wet because by this time, it was going to take longer to go back the way we came. So we waded.. and I mean that literally.. forward.

Before long.. the body of water on the left of us merged with the body of water on the right of us and wet sneakers were the least of our worries.. we're talking a little past knee deep of cold reserve water with God knows what swimming.. floating.. growing in it.

If I don't wind up with something that puts me on the season finale of Monsters Inside Me then I'm definitely going to wind up with some weird skin thing.. and I'm more then thankful that it wasn't crotch deep water.. for the obvious reasons!!!!


We tried sticking to the sides but it soon became apparent that we were either going to have to take the plunge and get our sneakers wet OR just hang out for a few days or so waiting for the water to recede.

I tell Tim that I sure as hell hope he wasn't exaggerating about his survivor skills.

We get our sneakers wet!

But it wasn't just our sneakers..

No.. no.. no...

Because not only did it get deeper the further we got but HELLO! We're talking ME here!!

When it got about ankle deep, we were just goofy hysterical about the whole thing and me, being me, wanted to capture it all for eternity! I couldn't find my digital camera anywhere :: in fact, that's still bugging the shit out of me :: so I took the video camera. WITH extra batteries.. that I had left in the car.. As soon as I turned the camera on POOF! It died.

Ankle deep.. and believe me, that was the shallow part!

I know Tim was thrilled when I told him.. me, not so much.. BUT.. I still had my cell phone so I was at least able to get some proof!

Finally.. FINALLY.. we hit dry ground.

We're still laughing and making stupid jokes about how we should head the local chapter of Mensa when we hit another flooded out section of trail.

This time deeper.

You know.. the first time was all goofy and adventurous and OMG!! and stuff but the second time?

Not so much fun.

But worse then THAT is the THIRD time!

It's REALLY difficult to tell how deep
water is when it's covered in Duck Weed..
or whatever the hell it's called.

We won't even go into the fourth time.

It may have made some kind of sense to somebody to just veer off into the woods on either side just to try and circumvent the areas that were flooded but yknow.. we're idiots.

It probably would have made sense for the park authority to close the trail..

It probably would have made sense to just stay home and play Call of Duty on our day off..

And then it started to rain ...

Idiot me said, ".. wouldn't it be neat if we got another five inches of rain?"

Saying that to a man that's over knee deep in water that's on a trail between two large bodies of water is not a good idea.

I'm sure herds of deer ran when he yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??" And I yelled back "OBVIOUSLY I MUST BE,  MORON!!"

Finally.. finally.. finally we got to the end of the trail and dry ground.. and when we got home it was a race to see who could peel their sneakers, socks and jeans off and get into a quasi-Silkwood shower.

This is the trail we walked... the path is in purple and the flooded out areas are colored in red. For idiots, we're really.. really lucky but because it wasn't until we were both scrubbing bubbles clean that we realized we could have been really fucked!! LOL!!

Word to the wise? If we EVER ask you to take a walk with us..
RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION..
FAST!!