I'm not going to go into the details but let's just say that if I had suddenly found myself wearing nothing but socks on the top of Mt. McKinley, I would have been a happy camper.
Anyway, so I was pretty pissed of and wasn't in any better of a mood on Thursday.. but things needed to get done so around 1pm Tim and I headed out to the Dollar Store and then to the supermarket.
Josh was in school and Matt was cemented, as usual, in front of the computer.
We were gone for maybe about 2 hours.
Now, the front door is not a door I use. I park on the side of the house and come and go through the back. The only time Tim uses the front door is to take the dogs out so basically, only the kids have anything to do with the front door.
So we come in the back door and as I drop the bags onto the kitchen floor and walk into the living room to hang my jacket up I notice that the front door is open half way.
It's like.. winter here? Like.. just WHY is the front door half way open when there's 38 mile an hour winds and the heat is on?
I think there's a reason why Matt wears headphones when he's on the computer and it has little to do with talking to his friends because I didn't get an answer. Tim walks to the front door and then I notice that my bedroom door is closed and funny, the dogs weren't barking.
And then it hit me and I can't even describe to you how my lungs shriveled up into little balls and my stomach collapsed.
I rush to the bedroom calling for the dogs and nothing.. and then I yell to Tim that both dogs got out and grab my jacket.
We both rush out of the house but to... where? We didn't know how long they were loose.. didn't know which way they had gone.. do we walk? do we drive? OMG!! Bella didn't have her collar on! OMG!! The tag had come off of Ernie's!!
I wanted to throw up.
The dogs have been loose before.. usually for the same reason. One of the mensa kids left a door open but usually then we knew immediately and they hadn't gotten far. This time was different. Did they head towards the cemetary? Did they go down by the trolley tracks? Did they go straight down the street in front of our house?
The longer we drove around.. the longer we or people we saw on the street didn't see anything.. the more we yelled with no response.. the sicker my heart became. Ernie is young and spry. Bella isn't. She also has a gimp because of arthritis in her hips and a skin condition that caused her to lose most of her hair from the middle of her body on down. She doesn't get around well at all so I got sicker thinking that they weren't together. Would we find one? Would we find neither? Would we find them hit by a car or worse, the trolley?
I couldn't help but cry.. especially for Bella. She's old and we've been through a lot and this was NOT how I wanted her end to be.
Tim went one way.. I went the other.. and Matt, well, he walked around for about ten minutes and then came back in the house. Something that really didn't sit well with me. At all. We chased every barking dog sound and believe me, if Indonesia has another tsunami in the next few days, it's because I was running.
Nothing.
I happen to see Josh on his way from school and told him about the dogs being loose. He was headed towards the house so he had that direction covered. I was going the opposite direction and only Lord knows where Tim was at that point.
About a half hour had passed when my cell rang. Josh had found the dogs. In the cemetery right near the house. He had tried for me but I had already went into the cemetery and didn't hear him. Boy, that would have saved Indonesia, huh?
But the dogs were safe.. Bella has some cuts on the top of her back where it looks like she followed Ernie under chain link.. but at least they were home. Me and Josh drove around and found Tim and then headed back to the house.
Now, I have to tell you this:
Ernie is a very... very.. modest dog. He has never humped on a leg but routinely rapes the doggie bed or the pillows if you don't put them away when your not around. But he does it in private and if he even THINKS your going to catch him, he pulls his ears back and slinks under the bed in shame.
So it was kind of weird when I walked into the bedroom and saw him going to town on the doggie bed. I had put Bella on our bed because I felt bad about her ordeal. She can't' jump on our bed anymore and it's a very rare treat that we lift her up there. Ernie jumped on the bed and tried to hump Bella's face. I yelled at him and he jumped down but then jumped right back up and I watched him bite the corner of one of the pillows and try to drag it over to him.
Is this dog FREAKIN' nuts?? I yelled ERNIE!! And he slinked away. I thought that maybe it was the whole ordeal that got him all wound up so I went into the kitchen to get them a treat. You know.. baby my babies.
When I went back into the bedroom, the damn dog had MY blanket all bunched up under him and he was going at is so hard that he was like.. in a zone or something. He didn't care who or what was near him or watching him. I yelled at him and it didn't do a damn thing.. I yelled again and finally he stopped and when I pulled the blankets away from under him, there he was all EXPOSED and dripping STUFF all over my bed.
The poor dog couldn't move... Tim came into the bedroom and his chin hit the floor.. I was all EWW!! EWW!! EWW!! He's DRIPPING ON MY BED!! and then Tim was all EWW!! EWW!! EWW!!
Ernie was finally able to jump off the bed but he couldn't crawl under it because of his.. um.. STUFF all being out.. and he was dripping stuff all over the carpet in little pools and it was the most disgusting thing that ever happened to me in my whole life.
I broke out the clorox.. we scrubbed and sanitized and fipped the mattress over and made sure there was absolutely no evidence of Ernie's love gun bullets anywhere.
Finally, he went back to normal and hid under the bed. Then the lightbulb went off.. there must be a female in heat in the neighborhood because for the last few days he's been whining to go out every hour or so.. and when the door was open he took the opportunity to explore.
And Bella?
Well, I guess she tagged along with the condoms!
No comments:
Post a Comment