My New Home.. in 51 Days

Well..

That may be a little extreme but that's how it's starting to feel.

We have to be out of our current house in 51 days.

We gave notice to our landlord because a woman up in Coal Township led us to believe that she was going to rent us her house with 99.99% certainty. The only thing she wanted to do was talk to our current landlord to verify the length of time we lived here and that we weren't problem tenants.

The only problem was our landlord didn't know we were thinking about moving and if this woman called, well.. we risked him being an obnoxious prick about finding out. So we took a leap of faith.. called and told him ourselves.. and then fell flat on our faces because we never heard from the woman again. She hasn't returned phone calls or emails.

We then moved on to Plan B and decided that a mobile home will keep costs down. We could pick up used ones fairly cheap but the moving of it from point A to point B was going to be expensive. Initially we had a place for a mobile that was going to be rent free but that fell by the wayside because of irrational thinking.. We then thought we were going to be able to get a loan for a new mobile home.. the salesman was POSITIVE that the industry was making a killing with people in our financial situation and that my credit score, although not great, was enough to approve the load.

So with high hopes we went a head and started looking for land to rent. We found someone who answered our ad and he's just thisshort of being great. He wanted a more then reasonable price to rent a half acre and was working with us as far as the septic, well and electricity went.

Things were certainly looking up.. and then they all crashed again.

Our loan application was denied.

So now we have the property.. but nothing to put on it. Except for a tent. And in a county where the blizzards have already started, a tent isn't really viable living conditions. Of course, a box isn't either. No options to rent anywhere and no opportunity to buy anything used that's close enough to not bust our budget to get it moved.

And did I mention my car only sleeps 2? Rather uncomfortable?

So two weeks before Christmas and I can't even think about being in the spirit.

I might not have a tree.. or gifts.. but I do have faith. Nothing can take that away and I my faith tells me that God will take care of us.

Passing Ridiculous .. Next Stop Sublime!!

Meet Consuela.

Isn't she a beauty?

Actually, this isn't Consuela. It's Consuela's hot twin sister Carmen.

Even though they're identical twins, Consuela's been around the block a few times and lived a fairly hard life so she wasn't up to having her picture taken. Not before she goes on Extreme Makeovers.
In all seriousness:

The picture is of a 1978 Dodge Southwind.. a class A motor home. The way it's suppose to look.

We found one on Craigslist for $800.00.

There's a reason why it was $800.00 but even though it was kind of beat up on the outside .. no dents or smashes or anything like that (the inside is a WHOLE other story) .. the engine had ridiculously low milage and Tim was confident that he could redo the inside so it didn't look so ghetto.. so redneck.. so like a bunch of illegal aliens made it their primary residence while floating over the Rio Grande.

Anyway.. when we were going to have the mobile home put on some one's property, a septic tank and a well was going to have to be dug. Since we weren't going to be able to live it in until then, Tim figured that Consuela would be needed for her bathroom and kitchen until we could actually live in the mobile. So we sent the owners half via Western Union (remember THAT whole folly?) and called them on Wednesday to let them know that we'd be up on Friday to give them the other half and change over the title and everything.

The plan was to get RV legal and then stay over at a campsite so that Tim could check it over and make sure it wasn't going to blow up on the 3.5 hour drive home.

Ok.. can I ask you this?

Why the HELL do we ever plan anything?? You think we would learn by now, huh? Nope.

Now.. let me just interject here that there was a issue with the kids because it comes into play later on in the day. The 12 y/o wasn't able to spend Friday night at his mother's place because she had plans. But we had the ducks in a row already so there really wasn't anything else to do but have the 16 y/o watch him. Not the most optimal situation but it is what it is.

Both kids were read the riot act but we really didn't have any big worries. The youngest would be on the Playstation until he fell asleep and the older one would be on the computer until he fell asleep. There was food in the house and enough toilet paper. The only worries I had was that the dogs would go without food and water but since we were only going to be over night, even the dogs would be fine.

It's 9am and we're just about to leave. I grab my cell phone and notice that there's a text message from Consuela's pimp saying that the roads were flooded due to the the torrential rain we had a few days before. Tim called him and left a message saying that we had to drive up anyway so instead of meeting him at 1:30, we'll just make it a little later. We were on the road when he called and said the water should be down in a few hours. Great.

So we spent almost 4.5 hours driving to Shunk, Pa. We had seen a sign the last time in that area that someone was selling lots of land. Tim wanted to go check it out and find out how much they were selling them for. We drive all the way out there and spend a whole 10 minutes learning that the lots were actually part of a development that didn't allow mobile homes and were running around 15g. Ridiculous.

Now it was almost a 2 hour drive west x southwest to Lock Haven.

We get there and finally see Consuela in person.. from across the road. We didn't feel right pulling up onto the property without first talking to the dude. So we called and texted and called again. Nothing back.

We happen to see this little jeep turn into the property so we waited a few minutes and went a head down the drive way. If worse came to worse, I'll go knocking on the damn door.

We pulled next to Consuela and she looked a little more beat up then I thought. Well. A lot more. I kept telling myself that cosmetics aren't that important. Yea. Right. Anyway, Tim got out of the car to give her the once over when this younger then me blond wearing a bandanna comes bopping out of the house.

She's the dude's wife. Annnnnnnnnnnnd she tells us that dude isn't around, he got called into work. AND there's no battery in Consuela (but she would get one) AND the title is with the guy they got Consuela from but never changed the title over AND she didn't have the keys. She could GET the keys.. but they were at her house a half hour away.

She also tells us that the dude with the title is driving back from his job in West Virginia. Niiiicccceeee.

Then she climbs in an open window and unlocks the door so we can see the inside. I wish she hadn't. I mean, you know, I don't want you to think that I was expecting the Taj Mahal .. but it wasn't as good as the bad I thought it was going to be. There was ALOT of water damage. The roof is going to have to be replaced and the cabinets are going to have to have something done to them. I should have taken pictures but I guess my subconscious knew better!

Right then and there, I wanted to just drive the hell back home and do this another day when they got their shit together. But Tim was insisting on waiting it out since we had already driven all that way and that he wanted to get it into a campsite and stay over night. I wasn't objecting to him wanting to check the damn thing out before he drove it. That's just smart. But I wasn't down on spending any money to stay in a hotel or motel or whatever. Spending another 60.00 in gas was better then spending 90.00 for a motel room in my mind.

But no.

Tim wants to see this thing through. So she's going to go home to get the keys while we drive to a campsite 8 miles away (keeping our fingers crossed that they were even open) .. reserve a spot and then go grab something to eat. By that time, she should be back with they keys and if the dude wasn't home from work yet,  we could at least take the thing, stay over night and finalize the transaction the next day.

Remember what I said about planning? Yea. I really need to know better!!

I had found Holiday Pines Campsite on the TomTom. The TomTom that always wants to kill me by making me drive obscenely narrow rodes through mountains.

This time was no different. The 8 miles was smack dab through Bald Eagle State Forrest on a make pretend road that wasn't only narrow, but also covered in snow and ice.

You do know that upstate PA gets snow WAY before we get it down here, right?

Life may be adventure but you know.. I can do without adventure every once in awhile.

The whole way I'm asking Tim if he's sure he can get Consuelo to make the trip down this road.. especially because there were long drops into nothing on either side at some points. But he was confident... possibly stupid.. that he could do it.

We get to Holiday Pines and not only are they open, but they had a spot for us and the couple who owns it were SOOOO nice. I would definitely recommend staying there if you're in the area. The best part was, they told us another way to get back to where we needed to go that did NOT involve driving through the mountain again.

It taked on another 27 miles going AROUND the mountain but at least it would be safer because we wouldn't have to deal with narrow roads, deep falls, ice, snow and darkness.

So we drive all the way back to Consuela. We sit there for another 20 minutes or so until the wife comes out and tells us, GUESS WHAT?? The keys weren't at home.. they were in the car that her husband drove to work.. in the gas fields.

I couldn't stop the words ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME from coming out of my mouth. And I know she felt bad.. I did.. deep down I know that stuff happens for a reason but that doesn't mean it isn't frustrating as all hell.

She offered to up us up at her house until the dude came back from work but I wasn't going for that. Since the dude was expected home around 730-ish.. and it was now 530-ish.. we figured we'd go get something to eat (which we didn't because of the time it took to get to and from the campsite) and hang around Mickey Dee's parking lot soaking up the free wifi.

It was there that I posted this message on Facebook:

Oh.. did I mention that it was snowing? Yea. Me we're talking about, remember?

So this is where all hell breaks loose.

Remember in the beginning I said that we had to leave both kids alone at home? Yea.. well.. we get a text message from their mother going off about us leaving the 12 year old home alone.. and how he's just a little boy.. and how it's illegal and blah blah blah.

Right away I called the 16 y/o's cell phone. No answer. I leave a message telling him to call me ASAP. I text him a message telling him to call me ASAP. Tim texts their mother and tells her that the 16 y/o is watching him and that there is nothing illegal about that.

I call the 16 y/o again.. no answer.. leave a message telling him to call me.. it's an emergency. I text him again and tell him it's an emergency and that he has to call me.

Nothing.

Tim texts their mother again and asking her were the 16 y/o is .. where the 12 year old is .. does she have them?

Nothing.

I call and text the 16 y/o again.. Tim calls their mother. She doesn't answer so he leaves a message saying that she can't text him going off about leaving the kids and then not pick up the phone. He needed to know where the 16 year old was an if the 12 year old was really by himself.

She finally sends a text message saying that he (Tim) knows it's wrong to leave the 12 year old alone and to leave her be.

Leave her be.

LEAVE HER BE???

That's her response. Says nothing else.. won't pick up the phone.. just drop a bombshell and just leave her be.

And you WONDER why I want to move 4 hours away??

We still wasn't able to get through to the 16 year old and they must have unplugged the house phone or let the cordless go dead because we couldn't get through on that either.

So what was there to do. What would you do? The only thing TO DO was to drive the 4 hours back home. Leaving when we did, we'd get home by 10:30.

We call the dude's wife and explain to her what was going on and that we'd be in touch to set up another time and hopefully then, they would have everything they needed and the deal would smooth through.

The way we figured it, the 16 y/o left the house to hang out with his friends. The 12 y/o being bored or just wanting sympathy from his mother, called her and told her he was by himself. Do I think the 16 y/o was going to be out with his friends all night? No .. but he probably left his cell phone with his brother in case we called and then his brother would cover for him saying that he was in the bathroom or something. Or maybe he kept the cell phone and just didn't answer when we called. Either way.. or no way.. it doesn't matter. We had to forgo our payment to the campsite and drive 200 miles at night.

I'm not a good night driver and especially not after driving for 9 ours already.

After about a 100 miles of driving, we stopped to put air in my tire when my cell phone rings. It's the 12 year old. I immediately ask him where the 16 year old is and he puts him on the phone. I ask him where he was all day and he says home but then he said his mother was beeping in so he put me on hold. Tim got back in the car and I handed him the phone. When his son got back on line, Tim laid into him.. wanting to know where he was and why he hadn't answered his phone.. he then told him that we were on our way home and hung up.

Another half hour goes by and the youngest calls. Are we really coming home? Tim said that we were and I'm sure what prompted that call was the older one bitching and complaining and wondering if they now had to clean the house before we got home.

Their idiots. You don't need a blue print to figure them out.

I wasn't saying to much because I WAS PISSED with a capital P. Deep down I know that things happen for a reason but it's the blatant disregard and disrespect that got under my crawl. And I can't express it out loud because I really don't want to hurt Tim's feelings about the bunch of self centered, selfish, manipulative kids he raised. Or the self centered, selfish, manipulative he chose to create them with.

Because really, what mother in HER RIGHT MIND is sooo concerned about her son being left alone in a house and then want to be left alone? If you're that worried, why didn't you cancel your plans and get your kid the way we wound up cancelling our plans and came home?

If you're that worried or concerned, why didn't you CALL instead of being a pussy ass bitch and text and say, ".. hey, what's going on? I talked to our son and he said he was by himself." .. or whatever kind of conversation adults have about their kids.

I wouldn't know.. because she NEVER calls and has an adult conversation. She always texts these bullshit inflammatory messages.. then refuses to pick up the phone. It's like dealing with another kid.

And when we got home, and found the youngest one in the living room watching tv and the older one on the computer with one of his friend's sitting next to him, I went off. I turned off the computer.. turned off the tv and told them both that I didn't care what they had to day because I already knew it was going to be a lie.. it was going to be some bullshit excuse that I'm way too smart to believe. That all they did was prove again that they couldn't be trusted and not only did there antics cost us about  100 dollars we don't have.. but all they're worried about is what's for dinner and getting what they want when they wanted without any regard for anybody else.

Definitely their mother's children.

The older one said that the younger one had his phone all day.. the youngest one said that the phone was on silent and that's why he didn't hear it.

Do I have STUPID on my forhead? A 16 year old who lets his younger brother use his cell phone? A 16 year old that has his cell phone on SILENT??

I told him that his cell phone is NEVER on silent and that I hear it going off all the time. But the best was when the older one said that his mother said that SHE told US that HE was HOME...

And I screamed... SHE. DID. NOT.    YOU. ALL. LIE.    YOU. ALL. MANIPULATE. YOU.    ALL. DON'T. GIVE. A. RATS. ASS. ABOUT. ANY. BODY. BUT. YOURSELVES.

And then Tim went off on them. About disconnecting the phone.. and not trusting them.. and how he didn't care if they weren't able to play their stupid computer game, the phone was NOT to be disconnected. The next time it is, the computer is getting trashed.

This afternoon the older one made a comment about him guessing he wasn't going to get the 20 bucks we were going to give him for staying him and watching his brother. Like, are you kidding me? Told you.. self centered and selfish.

So now the next time we go upstate.. they're coming with us. And I don't care if the older one gets carsick .. and I don't care if the younger one doesn't want to sit next to his brother all cramped up in the back seat.. I don't care that there will be no internet or tv or any modern convenience at all at the camp site. Read a fucking book.

Quest For A House Part 6: .. Or Why I REALLY Need A Reality Show!!!!!

Not Getting THIS house

.. ok, so I think I have to bring y'all up to speed.

See this house on the left? Well.. we had the opportunity to get into a lease/purchase deal with the owners. It was a sweet deal that only comes around once in a lifetime.

But not in my lifetime because when all was said and done  the timing was just off. When the owners wanted the down payment versus when we were going to have the down payment just wasn't going to go hand and hand.

Soo... Tim came up with this idea to get a mobile home. So on the internet we comb and came up with a few that were exactly in our price range. The only thing is that we had to have them moved .. and if you think buying an over sized Christmas tree and shoving it into your car is bad.. imagine a house. On wheels. There are a lot of permits and logics and stuff..

But all that wasn't going to be so bad because someone was kind enough to offer us a piece of their property to drop the mobile on.

So we made a few appointments to go see a few. Well, one. Tim found one on Craigslist that was free. In Elizabethtown. 60 miles from where we needed to have it moved. PERFECT!! We were so giddy that we actually splurge on Dunkin' Donuts!!

We drive out there.. IN A TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR.. and you know, sometimes free is just too much to pay. The place was BEYOND anything inhabitable and the kicker was it couldn't be moved. The only thing to really do was tear it down for scrap.

So we turn right back around and start driving the two hours back to where we live.

We were driving down one highway and Tim happened to notice an older model sitting in the parking lot of a business that sells Mobile and Modular homes. It had a "sold" sign on it but he suggested we pull in and see if they had any more.

I rolled my eyes but figured what the hell. No harm in asking, right? So we started talking to the guy and explained to him our situation and he was like, "... yKNOW!! You may just be able to get a new one."

Now, I know all about the things people say when they're on commission but apparently while other business' are tanking, the mobile home business is booming because of people in situations like ours. He said that right now, they were taking half off the down payments and had reduced their credit score criteria.

Hmm.

He took us out to look at one AND O! M! G! .. this place was nicer then my house! And it came with a new fridge and oven AND they gave you the choice of either a 750.00 gift card or a 50" flat screen tv.

I don't think I have to tell you who wanted what and who ISN'T getting what, do I?

The guy suggested I fill out an application.. it was free and the only thing they can say is no. So I did.. and he told me just how to fill it out to maximize my chances and he seemed more then confident that I'd get the loan.

We left really optimistic because the payment would only be around 200 bucks.. and because it would be on private property and we wouldn't have to pay a rental fee, it would allow us to save more money faster.

I honestly felt more settled then I've been in a long time.

Until I got home and read an email from the person who was going to let us use his property.. only we couldn't use his property anymore because someone else thought that something else was going on and it was so randomly bizarre that I was practically speechless. I know. Hard for me.

But regardless of how off mark the assumptions were, there really isn't anything I can do about it except appreciate the offer and go back to square one.

So the last couple of days, me and Tim have been looking for some type of land or property to buy that's reasonable inexpensive. We've found more then few in our price range but the only problem is is that we can't put a mobile home on it .. the mobile home we're justthisclose to buying.

And time is ticking down .. we only have until January 31st to get all this together and it seems that whenever we get one step a head, we're pushed three steps back.

But I'm sure we'll find something.. I do, after all, have hope.

Quest For A House Part 4: .. Or How Everything Up There Is At Least 45 Minutes From Something Else

.. so in the week between weekends, we scoured the internet and came up with more houses to look at and even had THE best realtor in Pennsylvania (April) come up with two places to look at.

Total, there were 6 houses to look at:

1 in Sunbury
2 in Williamsport
1 in Jersey Shore
1 in Montgomery
1 in Coal Township

In that order.

The Sunbury property was a twin at 550.00 a month. On the drive over ( and just before you get on the bridge in the picture) we saw another twin for rent. We figured we'd catch the number on the way back.

Sundbury is a gorgeous town .. historic. Very Norman Rockwell-ish. We ooohed and ahhhhed driving through the whole town .. until we got to the place to rent. Obviously the ONLY part of the town that was left off the tourist brochure. It wasn't that it was bad, per se.. it's just the front door look out on the back of business' so we had a loveLY view of dumpsters.

As the Italians say .. FURGEDDABOUTIT!

So we drive back the way we came and got the phone number for the house we saw on the way in. Called the number and left a message.

On to Williamsport.

We met April, THE best realtor in Pennsylvania at her office (which happened to be a few business' down from the hotel we stayed at.) She had two properties for us to look at so we climbed into her little clown sized Jeep. Nimble Tim got in the back which was so small that being nimble was of no help. Good thing he stopped wanting more kids because his manly parts got kind of mangled getting in and out of that thing!

The two houses that we had called her about the week earlier were already rented and she was overly apologetic for it. She explained that because of all the gas workers flooding the area because of the shale finds, not only have rental prices doubled but they get scooped up as fast as they are listed

Figures.. I'm always a day late and dollar short.

First house was in Williamsport. Nice size house.. but even though they were doing remodeling, it really wasn't much better then the shit hole we had seen the week before. But it did have nice large bedrooms and a full sized walk in attic. Color choices were a little bizarre but it seemed like the hunt was going a little better. Wasn't crazy about the yard (shared with a neighbor that apparently bought every Fisher Price toy for her kid) because there wasn't a fence but it did have a balcony off the master bedroom. The only thing was the owner wanted 1000.00 but April said he would negotiate.

Eh.

Next stop was Jersey Shore, located about 12 miles outside of Williamsport.

This house was GORGEOUS!!

Recently remodeled, it has an updated kitchen with granite counter tops, a double sink with the new old-fashioned Kohler spigots and tin back splash.

OMG.. I get goose bumps just thinking about this house.

As Tim said, this would be a house I would have my mother visit .. because right now, she's not allowed anywhere near where I live! Ghetto Chateau that it is!

But this house.. OMG is all I can say

While I was still picking up my chin in the kitchen to stop drooling on the ceramic tile floor, Tim checked out the basement and was all giddy about the new furnace.

What can I say .. it was the whole Mars / Venus thing. I was giddy over the asthetics and he was more concerned about furnaces.

He's the ying to my yang.

Me and April were still in the kitchen looking at pantry sizes and cabinet space when Tim walked into the next room which was the dining room and loudly exclaimed YOU CANNOT COME IN HERE!

Pay no attention to the fridge and the gym equipment. Just look at the refinished original hardwood floors.. the built in hutch! The light fixture!!

But what you don't see is what really knocked the socks I didn't have on off.

See that doorway to the left?

That's a bathroom. A HUGE bathroom. A FULL BATHROOM!! Big enough even to have the washer and dryer in it.

Can you say SOLD!!!!!

The living room was a nice size.. LOVED the stair way and was completely enamored by the light fixture hanging in the foyer.

The whole downstairs was really tastefully decorated.. there wasn't one thing that I would change. Tim neither.. and that's a big thing because we have completely different tastes when it comes to decorating.

The upstairs had three bedrooms.. all nice sized except for the third one. That was a little small and had the stairs that led to the attic. The attic could be remodeled to make it a room so I really wasn't that concerned about the size. I mean, right now both boys are in one room anyway and the whole upstairs isn't being use at all. Paying for a house that I'm only using half of sucks. Big time.

The other selling point is that the house sits on a nice piece of ground and has a detached two car garage at the other end of the lot.

No fence, but that wouldn't really be a big deal. I've built fences before and until one could go up, there's this thing called leashes for the dogs.

The stickler is that the owners want 1000.00 a month. Way more then we wanted to pay however, Tim and April started talking and he said that he was willing to pay 800.00 a month is there was a lease / purchase deal.
The house has apparently been on the market for sometime and even though it's 89.9 price tag is considerably cheap where I come from, I guess it's a lot for Jersey Shore. But April said that she would talk to the owners and see if she could negotiate some kind of deal.

Reluctantly, it was back to Williamsport to see another twin that we found on Craigslist. April drove us buy it and we didn't even have to pull over or slow down. Not for us.

We returned to April's office to get our car and I told Tim that while we were driving back from see the house that I would give all my eyelashes to live in, I had seen another house for rent on the main street going through town.

So back to Jersey Shore it was.. found the house.. got the number.. called it and left a message.

Back on the highway now to Montgomery, PA. About 20 miles outside Williamsport. I had found this house online.. had sent an email to the owner and also made a phone call. She sent me the address but no pictures. I checked it out on Google Earth and it seemed like a cute little town. But just like Sunbury, we were all stoked driving through the town until we got to the actual house. And like Sunbury it was a nooooooo!! A bunch of houses squeezed together in what would have been a cul de sac if the road didn't cut right through it.

Call me whatever.. but I really don't want to live in an area where all the neighbors have cruddy houses.

We still had one more house to look at in Coal Township.

Now.. the only picture I could find of Coal Township was of the prison. Traveling through there I can tell you there's a reason for that.

I don't know whether it was the weather, put the place looked dark and dingy. I half expected to see people walking around with coal dust on their faces and head lamps.

The house we were going to look at was being rented for 410.00. Three bedroom, one and a half baths and from the pictures that were sent, looked well kept and nice. I do have pictures of it but out of respect for the owner, I'm not going to post them. I will post one of the outside because she included it on the ad.

When we saw the pavement, we realized that the house was on a street but it was a single and looked like it was something that I wouldn't mind inviting my mother to. The other good side is that it was only 2.5 hours out instead of 3.5.

But the drive to the house gave me the same feeling I had the weekend before when we went to see the shit hole house. This seemed like a step back.. not forward but the rent amount was attractive enough to get out of the car and we had already said we would see the house and I wasn't about to stick anybody.

I wish I could show you the inside of the house.. it was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! Stained glass windows.. wood trim.. three really nice size bedrooms.. really cute bathroom... balcony off the master bedroom.. back deck.. really nice size fenced yard. The current tenant had to move for personal reasons and she had a dog and cat so the pet issue wasn't really going to be an issue at all.

We met the owner's mother who lived next door and she reminded me so much of my grandmother that it was almost frightening.

I loved it .. and didn't think going back to a house on a street of row homes would be that bad. It's been over 20 years since I lived in South Philly but yknow.. I would deal.

It started getting dark so we left .. and I'm not even going to go into just how dark it got.. just how many winding roads we had to drive down and just how many times I almost got us killed because I have a really difficult time driving in the dark on roads I'm not familiar with.

Let's just say our next trip will include Depends.. just in case.

This particular tirp was EXHAUSTING .. other then being out of the car for a total of 45 minutes.. it was all driving. We started out at 7am and didn't get home until almost 9pm. That's 14 hours.

14 hours of fighting with your bladder.. and dealing with asshole drivers.. and running out of coffee when you really NEED coffee.. and willing your digestive system not to revolt because of the Egg McMuffin you had eaten earlier.

As soon as I got home, I emailed the owner of the Coal Township house and told her that we loved it and would be more then happy to rent it. She said that although we were the first to look at it, there were still a few more people that were lined up to see it. She sent an application and I filled it out and emailed it back. She then asked if my current landlord knew we were moving and I said that he didn't. She was concerned because she wanted to contact him for a reference but didn't want to jeopardize our situation here. I told her that I would call the landlord and tell him that we were looking but wasn't going to give an offical notice yet.

I did call and talked to the property manager.. she said that she understood our situation and that she would give us a good referral. I then shot another email off to the Coal Township owner telling her that she can go ahead and call.

I had had a really good feeling about this place.. but then later on in the night, we saw that she reposted her ad. Nice. What a let down. The current tenant was vacating at the end of December and we told her we'd pick right up on the lease on the first so she wasn't going to be losing any income. So I don't know. Not so much of a good feeling now.

April, THE best realtor in Pennsylvania, did email me on Monday and say that she's negotating for the house that we really loved in Jersey Shore and that she should have an answer soon so there's still that.

It's just getting harder and harder and I'm really not looking forward to putting out another month's rent here. That's 1400.00 that could be used on another property but the pieces don't seem to be falling together.

But I have to walk on faith and not by sight and we'll end up where we're suppose to end up.

It's just getting harder and harder to afford going up there just to look and coming back empty handed.

Quest For A House Part 3: .. Or How Some Home Owners Are COMPLETELY Delusional

... so I apologize for being MIA. There's been a lot going on.. a lot of roads traveled.. and a lot of coffee consumed in this quest for a house.

Believe me.. I'll be glad when this is all over with!

But back to last weekend.

To bring you up to speed, we decided to spend the weekend in the Williamsport area to give us a leg up on finding a house to rent. The internet is all finThe.. well.. and good but we figured that spending the night, combing through the local paper and then having Sunday to check out whatever we find would probably be the most responsible thing to do.

So we found two properties listed in the paper so I called. The first one answered and he said that he was going to have a kind of open house on Sunday after 12:30 and I had to leave a voice mail for the second. I stressed that we were only in town until Sunday afternoon and if at all possible, would like to see the house before we left. I went on the whole spiel about living 3.5 hours away .. blah blah blah.

The hotel had a free continental breakfast thing going on and so Sunday morning Tim was trying to use his mental man skills to wake me up early. I was NOT going to be woken early .. I used my mental woman skills to subvert his. He tried making noises.. turning on lights.. putting his face two inches from mine and staring at me but nope.. wasn't going to happen. There's nothing I hate more then waking up early.

I was up in plenty of time to get the free breakfast .. which basically consisted of eggs from a carton.. Jimmy Dean sausage links.. make-your-own waffles.. and cereal from this weird container. No bacon though. How the hell do you have breakfast without bacon.

I'm a really, really picky eater so the only thing I can say about that breakfast is that they had good toast.

My cell rang when we got back to the room and it was about the house that I had left a message for the night before. The woman was all "hun" this and "hun" that and told me that we could see the property after 1pm because her and her husband were going to church.

So we felt very optimistic.

We had to check out of the hotel by 11 and so we figured we'd drive by the houses prior to our appointments just to get the feel of the neighborhood and where they were at.. what was surrounding them and what they looked like.

The first house was.. well.. I want to say "ghetto" but not sure if that would be a compliment or not. We didn't even get out of the car and look in the windows.

Disappointed, we drove to the second house and I literally wanted to cry. I remember saying, "... the power of words" and Tim was like, ".. I didn't say anything." and I was like, ".. No, I meant that they worded the ad like they were renting something beyond spectacular."

They didn't lie about the size of the house.. it was huge. We got out and walked around.. looking in the windows. They were obviously painting it and cleaning it but there's only so much you can do with "bad". The little alley way was covered with pigeon shit and feather.. there was no fence so there was full view of  the back of the houses on the street that ran perpendicular and all their lovely piles of trash. Most not in trash bags.

The street itself looked like run down and anyone who knows me well knows that I have this thing about blinds and curtains. I don't understand how people can NOT keep their blinds straight or knot their curtains. I moved once when the people who moved in across the street from me doing that.

To me, moving into that house would be a step back and I may only make baby steps going forward but at least it's in the right direction. Plus, neighborhood don't usually frighten me.. this one kinda did.

Tim had a different point of view. We could stick it out for a year, he said. It's not THAT bad, he said. He said some other things that made me thing that he was doing his best to put a round peg into a square hole and I had to tell him that, look.. I don't think this is going to work. I'm not moving to someplace like THIS. And it was kind of like he thought that I was saying I was too good to live in a place like that and that wasn't it at all and if I wasn't in the middle of driving in an area that I wasn't familiar with, I would have punched his bald head. He should know me by now. If it was just me and him then that would be a whole different thing but I wasn't comfortable bringing the kids into that area.

We went in search of the Sunday edition of the newspaper thinking that there may be more ads. We stopped at this little deli and when we walked it, it looked exactly like ours did.. except everything was behind the counters. The behind the counter said he didn't sell the paper and I forget who mentioned our deli first but it was brought up and the guy was like, ".. you want to buy this one? It's only 125gs and you get the apartments upstairs!"

Apparently this guy opened this place 7 months ago.. ONLY had 2 problems that he took care of (read into that what you will) but now he want out. Honestly, I would have considered renting it from him if he didn't seem so damn desperate.

We wound up finding a paper but there was nothing new in it .. and with a bladder that was stretched from here to Arizona, we found a McDonald's and lamented on what our next move was.

Fortunately, I had my iPod on me and with the free WiFi at Mickey Dee's I was able to pull up an email attachment that a realtor had sent me during the week. It was a list of properties that were for rent and even though it was kind of old, we found ones in our price range. We also checked Craigslist and called a few that were a little further out from where we were originally looking.

There was hope.

Well, there's always hope but sometimes it's more obvious then not.

Since the two houses from the realtor's list was in the general vicinity of the pigeon shit house we had an appointment to see, we went to look at them. Both were in neighborhoods that looked a hell of a whole lot better then the one's we saw from the paper and both had fireplaces.

Yes, there was hope.

Tim being Tim said to screw the pigeon shit house all together but I couldn't do that. I made an appointment and I was going to keep it.

So I call the woman and she said she was sending her husband over to meet us. We got there first and parked a little ways down from the house. While we were waiting, we happened to see a cat sitting on a front porch. To entertain himself, Tim was psst psst psst to it and the damn thing got off the porch and came over to the car.. stretching his paws up to the window's edge.

We were laughing hard and then the damn cat jumped into the car. Literally. Jumped right into the damn car.

I had a better picture where the damn thing had just plopped himself on its back and wanted Tim to rub it's stomach but it didn't save on my camera phone.

Now, I could make a witty, sarcastic comment about Tim's ability to attract dirty, back alley pussy but I'm going to refrain.

Anyway.. there were these two guys in their early 20's that were walking by and Tim asked them if they owned the cat. One dude said that it was just the neighborhood cat named Smokey .. will refrain from a witty, sarcastic comment again .. and that he's always siding up to people.

I happened to ask the guys if they lived in the neighborhood. They said they did and that it really wasn't as bad as it looked. They've been living there for about 3 years.. each had young children.. and that basically people did their thing and were into whatever they were into but it didn't spill out into the street or anything like that.

For some reason, that made me feel better and that maybe I would be able to deal with this. I can deal with a lot for 650.00 a month.

The husband shows up and we go into the house.

Let me just say this... the house was not without it's charm. Unfortunately, the owners didn't do anything to improve ANYTHING from when the house was first built .. probably around 1920 .. the previous tenets had been college kids and they trashed the place. Instead of properly fixing the holes in the wall, the owners tried to hide them.. and honestly believe that a coat of paint will hide a lot of sins. There had been a leak in the roof and you could still smell the wet lathe.

But the most RIDICULOUS thing was the kitchen. I wish I had taken pictures of it. It was seriously that bad.

It was big. Big enough for a washer and dryer but apparently, not big enough for a sink. Yep.. there was no sink in the kitchen.

The sink was located in what I guess they would call a mud room. Why the hell they didn't just put the sink where the washer and dryer was is beyond me. Beyond Tim too.. and when he asked the husband why they didn't do that the husband (who reeked of whiskey, btw) was like "... oh!! You're going to have to take to me wife. This is her property, I'm just the handy man."

So the wife shows up and at this point, I'm thinking that maybe this is kind of do-able. Not by dream house but I felt a little bit more comfortable about the area and like Tim had said, it was only going to be for a year. Tim asks her if she would consider switching the sink with the washer and dryer if we moved in and she said that she would rather he didn't.

Tim and the husband go outside and I'm talking to the wife inside.. spilling out about how much charm the place has (barf) .. but really, what was I going to say? If I was TIM, I would say that the place was a shit hole. I know that's what he would say because that's what he DID say to the husband outside.

Have I mentioned that I'm the nicer one of the two?

At any rate.. we had to get out of there because we still had a 3 hour ride ahead of us so we told them that we would make a decision and get back to them.

So we left feeling a little deflated.. but a little elated because we had found the two houses on the realtor's list AND we found a drive in movie theater that was still in operation! Fun times. We definitely have our priorities straight, huh?

But what it all meant is that we would have to make yet another trip up.. but this time it was going to have to be a one day trip because we had a catering order that had to go out on Saturday.

The novelty is definitely wearing off...

Quest For A House Part 2... Or How The TomTom Is Out To Kill Me

Seriously.. does this LOOK like a road?

Ok..

So you know we're on a quest to move 200 miles away into the mountains of north central Pennsylvania.

BEAUTIFUL area far, far away from the city and all the crap that it is and will fast become.

200 miles ONE WAY is a long way to drive.. about 3.5 hours if you stick to the highways .. more if you take local roads .. so after making the round trip in one day last week, we decided that this weekend we were going to stay over night.
It's HARD trying to rent a house and a store from far away.. Craigslist only has so much and driving aimlessly around an area that your not familiar with is even worse. Like, the PERFECT house could be one road over and you'd never know it ..

So the King and Queen of Idiocy decided it was best to grab a local paper, stay over night and spend Sunday checking out places.

We did have an appointment to see one house.. the blue one on the right. It was advertised on Craigslist as a four bedroom farmhouse with an assumable mortgage currently at 527.00 a month.

This was located near Rt 87, and according to the Tom Tom, we just had to take the road that ran parallel to Rt 87 on the other side of the creek.

At first, the road wasn't bad. Wasn't paved.. but wasn't really what I would call a "dirt" road. I've since learned that what I consider a dirt road is a what locals call a damn super highway! What I didn't know is that the damn TomTom was taking us UP and AROUND the outside of a damn mountain. I mean that literally. There were some place that were no wider then  my car with a 300 foot drop to nothing and no guard rail. It didn't help that there was a local driving right on my bumper because OBVIOUSLY he knew where he was going and what to expect and was really, really pissed off that I didn't.

When we got to the house, the owner explained that someone had already looked at it and looks like a deal was cut. He felt horrible because we have drove so far and honestly, I felt a little let down but after we saw the inside, it wasn't going to work for us anyway. It used to be a duplex that was re-converted into a single home but all the bedrooms were open and there wasn't any kind of privacy. The dude was a trip. This was actually his vacation home (he lived in florida) and looked like he could have been cast in an old episode of the Soprano's.. complete with gold 9mm Glock earring, pinkie ring, 4th wife and coiffed hair. It was ridiculous that he lived there but he had a great personality and I did like him.

So with no other prospects yet and time on our hands, Tim wanted to show me the mountain house that his father built in Shunk, Pa. So I punch that in the TomTom and start following the.. This time, instead of taking us AROUND it took us THROUGH the mountain in what I can only call a secondary access road or a damn fire road.

If I thought the other road was bad.. OMG!!! This one was sooooooooo much worse. Only as wide as  my car but filled with pot holes and rocks sticking up and the HUGE drop into nothing.

No.. I'm sorry.. THIS ISN'T A ROAD!!

It was getting late.. I didn't have cell service because I was IN a damn mountain .. my back driver side tire has a habit of leaking air and all you heard from underneath the car was SCRAAAAP!! BANNNNG!!! BAMMMM!!!

All that and trying to avoid the pot holes and sticking up rocks? Yea.. I was more nervous then a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

I kept on having to swerve to avoid the holes and rocks and at one point when Tim was looking over the 300ft drop, I swerved and his sphincter immediately cramped.

WTF!!!!! he yelled. And started screaming that he was going to drive .. he made it seem like I didn't know what I was doing or.. worse, that I was SCARED (because, yknow, I don't "get" scared) .. and so I did what every badass city girl does when she's disappointed in house she didn't get and is driving on a PATH through a mountain with pot holes, jutting rocks and a car she doesn't trust ... I stated to cry.

If I was a devious or malicious person, I would SO use that to my advantage because me crying just makes Tim feel horrible.. worse when he causes it! But I think I only had to  let out some emotion and then we were as fine as we were going to be.

We had to be on this semblance of road for 8 miles and at around the almost 6 miles mark, guess what?

Only Me

Yep.. Road Block.

Now to be fair, we DID see home made signs saying that the road was closed but y'know.. nothing official and we really didn't know when they were posted because they looked kind of worn.

Now we knew.

So we had to turn around and do this again for another six miles. I wasn't a happy camper but there was nothing else that could be done.

The ride back wasn't AS bad because I knew what to expect and I there weren't that many holes or jutting rocks on what had become the driver's side.

But I did see the view.. and which I hadn't. It's hard driving with a cramped sphincter!!

We finally made it back to a real, honest to God highway. Rt 14. And it only took me one more time to follow the TomTom directions and it told me to go over a bridge THAT WASN'T THERE ANY LONGER.. that I said, "Screw it .. " and just stayed on the highway. After about 20 minutes of the damn thing telling me to turn around when possible, I won that battle of wills and it recalculated. Made me drive 20 miles out of my way and through southern Tioga county but at least we got to Shunk with both me and the car in tacked.

Tim was going down memory lane.. pointing out this to me and that to me .. Him, his brothers and my BFF Pam (their cousin) had spent a lot of time there when they were young so it was fun for me to see him that animated and full of childhood stories.

He told me about hauling stones as a kid .. and the pool table they had and the pond that used to be on the side of the house that has since been drained.

He told me how the place was actually two houses since his uncle wanted his own kitchen and entrance and whatever .. so the house has two of everything on different levels.

They spent a lot of time up there being boys.. hunting, fishing, etc. and it's a shame that circumstances were what they became and his dad had to sell the property.

You might not be able to see it, but in the middle window there's a wooden sign.

Apparently, it's tradition to "name" your hunting cabins in those parts and so this became "Lazy Acre" because it's located right outside of Lazytown.

Tim's dad had made the sign and it was kind of awesome to see it still there.. it used to hang but for whatever reason, it's now in a window.

Kinda cool, huh?

Okay .. so now that the trip down memory lane was over we had to get back down to business we keyed Williamsport into the TomTom to make our way back to semi-civilization by nightfall.

You  know.. I'm pretty good with directions and landmarks. Once I find my way to someplace, I always remember the way out so after all the previous attempts on my life with the TomTom why I didn't follow my instincts if WAY beyond me.

Maybe I was drive-crazy .. which is exactly like being stir crazy except your in a car for 7 hours driving.

And so, once again, I let the TomTom guide us and ONCE AGAIN the TomTom put us on a damned fire road on a mountain. If I didn't think that we would need the TomTom to help the rescue people find us in the event of an emergency then I would have chucked that thing right down the 300ft drop.

I had a fear that this road was the SAME road that was blocked on our way up and we would have to turn back around but my REAL fear was the bunch of campers that we saw when we had to make a turn. Say I watch too many scary movies but I'm not going to lie and say that being on that road, in that car, at that time of almost-night got me thinking that maybe one or more of them were weekenders that might want to find out if they could murder people in the woods and get away with it.

Fortunately, it wasn't the same road and after six torturous miles, we got back to the highway and made our way to lights, fast food joints and a Dunkin' Donuts!

How Cool Is It That The Quality Inn Gives You
Free All You Can Eat Popcorn?

We check into the Quality and start combing the classifieds.

Found two places listed and made appointments for Sunday to go see them.

I wasn't really that into spending the money to stay over night but it was the best decision and gave us the opportunity to explore more of the area.

And sleep in a King size bed..

Without the dog or the cats stealing the blankets.

Tim, though, was a whole other story and it's amazing to me that no matter how big a bed is, his skinny ass has to take up 90% of it.

I'll post about what happened on Sunday a little later .. you won't want to miss that!!

Our New Digs????

Ok..

So you know from my last post that we think we found a business.. that's Tim's concern.

Mine? Where we're going to live!!

Now, after living in Chateau Ghetto the last three years, I have MY opportunity to make the decision on where we're going to live.

And believe me.. I am not limiting the boys to one stainless steel room with milk crate furniture.
Oh.. you have no idea how serious I am about that. All the people in my house that do not have a vagina are pigs. The damn dogs are neater then they are!

At any rate...

So one of the houses that I'm looking at is pictured above and is in Lock Haven, Pa. .. Take a peek and let me know what you think:

The house isn't too far away from the business that we're looking to start but not that close either.. between 30 minutes to 45 minutes depending on which internet map you use. But up there is not like down here .. you have to drive between towns anyway so I'm no so sure it'll be a huge deal.

Another option is to concentrate on moving first and then focus on the business.. mainly because it's costs us around 60 bucks in gas when we drove up there Monday and we don't have 60 bucks to 12 hours to keep tossing around.. so if we move first then we'll have the opportunity to comb the area in and around without busting our savings.

But this house is one of a few so I'm trying not to be so quick to jump the shark .. just keep prayers flowing our way that we make the right decisions!

Quest For A House Part 1: We Are ... the ROAD WARRIORS!!

This COULD be my new backyard!

No... we are the King and Queen of Idiocy, remember?

The ones that drive 4.5 hours northeast .. tool around for another few hours and THEN drive BACK another 4.5  hours??

Yea.. that happened. And believe me, I think I'd much rather make that trip in Alaska when they're on their 6 months of daylight because driving at night sucks. Big time!

Note to PennDot: The reflectors make things worse!

Over the weekend we went on line and found a few place upstate that might work out .. could work out .. was hoping would work out and so knowing that Tim would be literally bouncing off the walls if we didn't.. I told him we could take a ride out there early Monday morning .. sort of to get the wheels in motion and be pro-active.

We took all the back roads because you never know what you're going to come across and trust me, I have never seen such gorgeous countryside in my  life.

After a number of bathroom stops and coffee refills, we finally reached Eagle's Mere, PA up in Sullivan County. Definitely a vacation spot for people who like to blow a lot of money on their vacations. Because the address was a "plaza", my bitch of a GSP wouldn't locate it so we basically ended up in the middle of town and drove around until we THOUGHT we found it and tried all the doors only to realize later that the doors that were locked actually belonged to a private house that was for sale.

Remember, we are the King and Queen of Idiocy!

We finally did find it and the women in the office couldn't have been more gracious and really helpful. They were more then excited to find out that we would be bringing good food to the area! The funniest was when one of the Realtors said, "... rental prices have skyrocketed. I remember when it was 3 - 4 hundred a month for a house and now it's more 800.00".

We were like, LADY!! WE'RE PAYING 1400.00 NOW!

She almost choked on her coffee.

So armed with a bunch of places to look out, we trekked out again. First landing in the center of Montoursville, The place is quintessential Norman Rockwell small town right outside the Williamsport Airport.

Driving around the town, everything was well kept and neat.. Just a cute little town surrounded by mountains and trees. The store we looked at was dead in the middle of the main street. Possibility.

We then decided to drive down Rt 87 and look at a little roadside restaurant that had been up for rent but because there were no bites, the front part had been rented to an attorney. The ad should have been taken down from the website but for some reason it wasn't .. the Realtor thought that maybe the owners would still want to rent the restaurant since there was interest in it so she gave us the name of the woman handling the property.

What she didn't give us.. and what we didn't realize at the time.. was the actual address.

So thinking that we'll call the following day, we just drove down Rt 87 and looked for it. The funny thing is, we found it!

And it's perfect.

It was exactly what Tim thought it was going to be and for what he wants to do with it... I'm not going to say that prayers were definitely answered.. but it looks like we're on the way to where we're suppose to be.

By this time is was almost 5 o'clock and I didn't care if he wanted to spend the $6 for the Turnpike Tolls or not, I was taking the Turnpike home and shaving an hour off the drive. Plus we were STARVING and you know, the King and Queen of Idiocy over here WITH A DELI ON THE FRONT PORCH didn't bring anything with us to eat!

Don't tell the kids but we grabbed Mickey D's before getting on the Turnpike!

We already have scouts out for a house and looks like we may have found two perfect ones .. each 500.00 lower then what we're paying now and a HELL of a lot nicer ... Nice enough to have my mother visit!! LOL!!

So it looks like things are moving in the right direction .. but keep those prayers and crossed fingers pointed our way .. this will be a HUGE move with no do-overs or oops room!