Comcast Is Like A Yeast Infection

Ok...

I used to have Comcast.
I used to HATE Comcast... for the same reasons why everybody else hates Comcast. Bad digital service.. bad internet service.. bad phone service..

So when our neighborhood got hooked up with Verizon Fios.. I was the first one to call to get it. I had to wait 6 WEEKS for the install but it was well worth it..

Just so happens on the day after my "special rate" expired, a Comcast sales rep came knocking at my door.

Suspicious, huh?

Anyway.. so he offered me this deal that would only cost me 79.00 a month with HBO included.. free wireless modem.. free first month.. 100.00 credit.. weekend getaway to Jamaica and the use of his Class C RV for four weekends a year.

I'm joking about the last two.

But Marcus was a cool guy.. he wasn't this swarmy loungy-lizard sleaze ball. I told him about my experience the last time and he told me that Comcast basically got their shit together.

Yes.. I will sell my soul to save almost 70 bucks a month!

He promised me a next day install :: a Sunday :: and sure enough, the two dudes showed up at around 1pm.

I should have known that it wasn't going to be this easy. I mean really.. there is no small print in the contract of my  life that even SUGGESTS that anything I'm attached to will be easy.

The two dudes tell me that they are here to install.. but they have no paper work so they really don't know what they're going to install.

Um.

So I tell them that I have the paperwork from Marcus and will that help? Oh..most certainly they assure me. I show them where the two tv's where the needed to be hooked up and basically told them to make it as easy as possible. Wanna drill threw walls and run cable wires around door frames and across rooms? Go for it, Bucky.

Actually.. they didn't need to do any of that because there was existing cable hook ups and leads or whatever the hell they call it from the last time we had Comcast so no drilling or climbing or nailing.

All they needed was THREE FREAKIN' HOURS.

Yea. You read that right.

They kept on calling the office and doing this and doing that and finally, they got the cable and internet on. We were so stoked to actually have something working that I didn't even think to try the PS3 online until after they left.

And then it didn't work.

And neither did my  laptop.

The kids computer worked... of course because GOD FORBID if they're inconvenienced.. but none of my shit did.

Since their computer was connected to the ethernet cord, Tim figured that it had to do with the router. So while he was off doing something, I called Comcast's Customer Support and explained to them what was going on.

The chick told me it was my equipment.. not theirs. Um... noooooooo... I may not be a genius when it comes to these things but I'm not an idiot either. Apparently, Debbie the Customer Service Rep was. So before I told her to eat snot, I politely told her that I would have Tim call back since he understands these things better then I do.

Score points for heaven there.

And Tim did call.. and nothing they tried worked and finally after about an hour, the customer service rep he talked to scheduled a tech to come out on Tuesday.

Like.. I had to be without my laptop for like TWO DAYS????

So be it. I did entertain myself before the internet and I'm sure I would be able to do it again.

And I did.. and finally Tuesday came and the tech came and fixed whatever was wrong and everything was happy except I never did get the free HBO that was suppose to be included but I was way too busy doing other things to worry about a channel I never watch anyway.

So all was fine.. well.. and good until tonight and the Season 5 premier of Dexter and that fact that I had forgotten all about it and never called up to subscribe to Showtime.

"Not to worry" says the man who as I type is snoring so God damn loud that I had to put the close captions on the tv! :: yes, I can multi-task :: he does something with the remote On Demand and sure enough subscribes to Showtime ON DEMAND.

NOT the regular Showtime channel that's going to premier Dexter in like .. an hour and 15 minutes!

I had left my cell phone down at the deli so he suggested I go online and order it via Comcast's website.

Ok.. so "suggest" is too soft a word.

But I go online and when I enter my account, I see the bill.

Remember Marcus? The really cool sales man? The one who WROTE on the Service Order that I would get a 79.00 package.. my first month free AND 100.00 credit?

Yea.. my bill reads 126.00.

WTF??

But ok.. ".. deal with THAT tomorrow, Leese" I'm told by the bald man. "Just go to the Live Chat"

Fine.

So I go to Live Chat and I get a rep named Julie. I tell her what I want and she asks me for my account number, full name, address and last four digits of my social.

I give her everything.. she thanks me in that robot way that customer service reps typing off a written script do.. and then comes back and tells me that my social does not match their records?

Huh?

Nooooo... that IS my social and maybe someone at Comcast just typed it in wrong. However, I DO have all the paper work from Marcus and from the installers and was there anything on THERE that I could give her to verify who I was and get me Showtime in time for Dexter.

She ignores that and asks me for the last four digits of my driver's license.

But I never gave my driver's license number to ANYONE at Comcast so how is that suppose to help?

The bald man tells me.. with a degree of certainty.. that they can check my name and stuff. I tell him.. with a degree of certainty.. that he's an idiot.

But I give it to her anyway .. because it's only the last four digits.. and again she tells me that it doesn't match and that I would have to physically go down to a Comcast office with two forms of id.

And that's when the "rage" that's in my blog's title rose up and I went INSANE on this poor woman who I'm sure ran from her desk crying and screaming that THIS is NOT what she signed up for and there was NO PAYCHECK big enough in the WORLD to justify dealing with the likes of ME!

Showtime was turned on about 15 minutes later and according to Julie.. it would be free.

Which means.. I'll probably get another bill for double the amount.

But I did keep a transcript of the convo and I will call the billing department AND Marcus tomorrow.. and then probably get Fios back.